1. Have you ever played that game on a road trip when you count how much road kill you come across? Each one you pass, you can’t help but feel bad for the poor bugger’s remains left sitting sadly on the side of the road. Once driving away from it, you never stop to think what actually happens to the dead creature after passing it.


    Another shock, horror. There is someone out there who wakes up every morning with the intention of cleaning up road kill. What a fulfilling and rewarding job that must be. Because lets be honest, despite a small majority, who would be keen to bear the gut wrenching stench and the massacre sight, which is road kill.

    Cleaners are obliged to clean up all road kill, disregarding any stage of decomposition the animal may be at. Yet another job which requires a strong stomach.
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  2. I don’t know about you, but one thing that I am always conscious about is having good smelling breath. There’s nothing worse then getting a waft of someone else’s foul morning breath which brings upon severe gag reflexes.

    Would you believe it if I told you that there are individuals out there who willingly smell other peoples breath for a living? The job title ‘Breath Odor Evaluator’ is exactly what it sounds like. It is someone who literally sniffs another persons bad breath in order to evaluate the effectiveness of certain odor reducing products. Disgusting.

    So what does the job require? Being a bad breath smeller requires you to have an impeccable sense of smell and a strong stomach. If the person who is being tested has just eaten a meal which has an unpleasant and nasty odor, the evaluator take a good whiff and rates it from level 1 to 9. The tester then records their findings based on whether the smell causes them to vomit or not. Just the thought of putting myself in that position makes me want to puke. The person being tested then uses chewing gum or a mouthwash and is given a new rating level. 

    Next time, please brush twice.
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  3. Buckingham Palace. Perhaps one of the most famous tourist photo opportunities when travelling to London and for this reason, also one of the biggest meeting points for your stock standard tourists.

    The tall bearskin hat, the red tunic , perfectly pressed black trousers and shoes you can see your reflection in. Standing tall, at attention, not moving, in any way, these sentries or guards are part of the Queens regiment and there to protect her.

    People flock to Buckingham Palace to see the spectacle of the changing of the Guard, which really is the early shift clocking off and the late shift starting, all very ceremonial, quite spectacular, with men shouting orders, lots of marching but really just a shift change. This leaves the palace overflowing with excited tourists, adrenaline pumping through their veins and the guards. You do the maths.


    So what exactly is so bad about being a Guard of Buckingham Palace? Long long hours of standing perfectly still and at attention? Constantly being pestered by tourists to “Give us a Smile Mate”? Young women absolutely positive that their backpacker beauty and creative never heard before conversation starters will break the resolve of the steadfast soldier to crack a smile? Precisely.

    Up until 1959 the guards used to stand outside the fences of the palace, until one day, a Grenadier who had been harassed for many hours by a female tourist managed to kick her in the ankle as he marched past to change shifts, she complained to the police,  and from then on, they have been positioned inside the fences. Nice one mate.

    In my opinion England you need to re-asses. Is it safe to anger these men day in and day out? Sure, they chose the job but it puzzles me how the guards haven't committed mass murder out of the years of built up frustration. Big statement but honestly, for how long can you be tormented and remain calm and collected. For how long can one enjoy standing perfectly still and silent without having a mental breakdown?

    Well done guards. Well done.


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  4. Caution: not for the weak stomached. To put it simply, embalmers are caretakers of the deceased. It is an embalmer’s duty to prevent the decomposition of a body up until the funeral so that there is the possibility of an open casket ceremony.

    The job of the embalmer is anything but pretty. Amongst all aspects of an embalmers job, the most sickening part of it is the voluntary choice of being comfortable to be constantly amongst dead bodies.

    Just to list a few job requirements, their role is to clean dead bodies (including remaining excrements), drain their blood and inject the deceased with disinfecting embalming fluid.

     Whilst you thought these sickos couldn’t have it any worse, their job requires them to study not only chemistry and biology, but cosmetics. In the final stages of the embalming process, the mouth is wired in order for it to remain shut and the eyes are glued closed, causing the dead body to appear peacefully asleep. A few final touches are then added, in order to ‘scrub up’ the body, which may even include some makeup and a shave.

    If you look on the bright side, if there is any, it would be a quiet job. The clients also would never complain and due to constant mortality rates, you’d always be good for a job. 


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  5. You know that annoying friend you have? The one who can't handle their alcohol, goes on week long benders, only goes home when they are forced to leave, have a speculated drug addiction and have been arrested for stealing a $20,000 necklace? 
    Oh yeah, you probably don't know this person or if you do you've only seen her on TV.   

    I present to you, the person who meets all of the above criteria.
    You guessed it, its Lindsay, and doesn't she look great.

    I was horrified, as a lover of movies such as the parent trap, to witness my once ginger soul sister in such a state. I thought to myself, what on earth has happened to the freckle-faced girl I once aspired to be like? What has gone wrong? The simple answer- drugs, alcohol and pure stupidity. 

    The whole fiasco started when the teen star was busted stealing a $20, 000 necklace, caught drink driving on numerous occasions while simultaneously constantly being spotted completely shit-faced out on the town. 

    Now imagine looking after this hot mess. 


    You have just pictured the life of her personal assistant. Oblivious to the dark days ahead, her previous personal assistant, Eleanor, was hired when Lindsay was a harmless young girl. She witnessed the evolution of the creature and finally resigned. The poor woman was "exhausted" and "had enough of Lindsay's demands" by the end and finally put an end to her unfortunate job. 

    So basically, if your interested in carrying a drunk blonde out of clubs, cleaning up her vomit, putting your own safety on the line and essentially associating yourself with the worlds biggest train wreck, then this is the job for you. To anyone who endeavours on such a journey I wish you luck.


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  6. The human body manages to take disgusting form in some instances. Something as simple as an ear can mutate into something so disgusting, so horrifying and make you never look at the particular body part the same ever again.

    Its a fact, some people take lazy to an entirely new level in terms of bodily hygiene and then leave it in the hands of professionals to clean them up. Its quite common, for this very reason, that people have a fear of feet. In fact, a phobia has been officially registered because there are that many people both disgusted and petrified of feet- Podophobia. 

    Podiatrists, despite paid well, are the unlucky few who are faced with every type of foot known to man kind. Big feet, small feet, crooked toes, webbed toes, hairy feet, feet with growths, ingrown toenails- you name it, they've seen it and probably touched it too.

    As well as dealing with the array of different forms the foot is capable of taking, Podiatrists also face the many diseases the almighty foot can also contract. In a perfect world, people would wash their feet regularly, clip their toenails and maintain the dead skin that can accumulate, but it is now confirmed, we do not live in such a world.

    A common unfortunate trait too many feet in the world seem to struggle with are fungal and bacterial conditions. The most famous and feared of these, Athletes foot, is nothing short of foul. This particular devastation happens to those who keep their feet trapped in warm, dark, humid places - the most likely place for a foot that fits the criteria, a shoe. Dry skin, redness, blisters, peeling and in some cases infection. If the description did not disgust you enough here’s a visual to really put things into perspective.



    Now picture, not only looking, but making contact with these feet. Examining, taking dead skin samples, massaging and rubbing cream into the oh so many crevices. You have just imagined a half hour sector of a Podiatrists life. A life no woman or man should have to live. A job no human should have to face. 
    Ladies and gentlemen, a moment of silence in appreciation for the people who deserve it most - Podiatrists.


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  7. Have you ever sat down and really thought about what happens to the waste you flush down the toilet? 
    Didn't think so... To basically sum it up, it travels through the sewers and into main storage where it is then dealt with. This is all good and well however sometimes the operation doesn't run as smoothly as some would hope. The pipes get clogged, and we all know pipes can't un-clog themselves.


    This is where a particular job came to be. Sewer cleaners are responsible for getting down there and literally un-clogging a combination of shit, piss, vomit, toilet paper and really any other substance or item that may have been flushed down a toilet. Next time you feel as though you can't make it through the last hour of work, the next time you wake up and nearly end your life due to pre-work depression I ask you to imagine crawling through sewers, being covered in human feces and facing a stench like no other. 


    Try and feel sorry for yourself. I dare you


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  8. This job isn't dangerous or time consuming in most cases by my god it would take a lot of money for me to do it. At first I thought, surely there is no such thing... but you better believe it, there is. You did hear correctly, there is such thing as an Animal Masturbator. 

    Researchers require animal sperm for studies yet have cleverly designed a job that prevents them from collecting it themselves- an Animal Masturbator. These poor people are responsible for getting the job done, whether it be holding an artificial vagina up to the animals penis, shoving an electric probe up the animals backside or taking the hands on approach. 

    Next time you're asked to stay an hour later, rostered on with the workplace freak or abused by customer I ask you to think of all the Animal Masturbators out there and how they feel everyday knowing the days work ahead. 



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  9. The time has come, it's time to stop complaining.

    For anyone out there who has complained hours on end about how bad their Job is. 
    For all those people who think they have it bad. This blog is for you. 

    Yes, your job may be tedious, the hours may be long but rest assure, it could be worse..
    There are many people out there who's daily work descriptions are enough to make you re-evaluate how bad you have it. God bless these people and thank-god you aren't in their positions..




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